Ryan Reynolds is opening up about the "complicated relationship" he had with his father before and after James Reynolds was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease.
Their relationship was made more difficult by the diagnosis, the actor said.
"Maybe people are reluctant to talk about this, but sometimes, when you see a parent faltering, it can almost make you angry," Ryan Reynolds told USA Today in an interview published Aug. 14.
Parkinson's is a progressive neurodegenerative disorder that is incurable. While the severity of symptoms varies among individuals, James Reynolds, who died in 2015, struggled with challenges beyond motor issues, the actor said in a video posted to Instagram Wednesday.
"You sort of know what to expect from Parkinson's physically. But no one warned us about the hallucinations and delusions," Ryan Reynolds said. "He began thinking strange things about the family and our motives, and there was just no way to talk him out of some of these things."
Through a new campaign called More To Parkinson's, the "Deadpool & Wolverine" star aims to raise awareness about these "under-recognized" aspects of the disease, while reflecting more on his relationship with his father.
Even before the Parkinson's diagnosis, Ryan Reynolds said he and his father did not have a relationship with a strong emotional connection.
"My father was a man who does not share his feelings," Ryan Reynolds told People in an interview published Aug. 14. "I can't even recall ever really having a proper conversation with my father.
"He was a present father, never missed a football game, but he just didn't have the capacity to feel, or at least share, the full spectrum of human emotion a bit," he added.
In the interview with USA Today, Ryan Reynolds described how the diagnosis led to feelings of anger.
"I think part of what I was feeling, at least within myself, was that I was a little bit pissed off that my dad was experiencing this, but also partly — I had a very complicated relationship with him — so it was a bit of, I felt like I was being slightly robbed of this opportunity to find a common ground or a bridge," he said.
Since his father's death in October 2015, Ryan Reynolds has grappled with his own shortcomings in their relationship.
"It was very easy for me to dine off the idea that my father and I do not see eye to eye on anything and that an actual relationship with him is impossible," he told People. "And as I'm older now, I look back at it, and I think of it more as that was my unwillingness at the time to meet him where he was.
"I could have maybe been there with him toward the end, and I wasn't. He and I just drifted apart, and that's something I'll live with forever," he added.
Despite challenges, Ryan Reynolds cherishes the moments of connection they shared.
About five months before his dad died, the actor sent a letter listing all the ways James Reynolds had shown up for him, like playing catch after baseball practice.
"I know for a fact it meant the world to him," he told People. "So I did get that closure, but I wasn't with him when he passed away, and I do wish I was."
As Ryan Reynolds has grown older and become a parent himself, he told USA Today he reflects on his father's influence and strives to apply those lessons to his own children.
"It's very, very easy to paint pictures in black and white of people to justify your own — be it anger, inadequacies, anything — and I realized as I'm older, people are nuanced, including my father," he said. "I wish I knew him better. I wish I knew more about him. I wish he was more conversational and forthcoming about what he feels and thinks.
"He was like the world heavyweight champion of going silent," Ryan Reynolds added. "And I find that there's I have an instinct deep within me to do the same."
But the father of four aims to be more communicative with his children, telling USA Today, "because of my dad, I think I'm much a better parent than I ever would have imagined.
Since 2008, Ryan Reynolds has been a public advocate for Parkinson's disease after getting involved with the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research, later joining the board of directors.
Through the More to Parkinson's campaign, Ryan Reynolds hopes to raise awareness about the symptoms his father experienced.
"I wish I'd known Parkinson's disease wasn't limited to only motor symptoms," Ryan Reynolds said in the campaign's press release on Aug. 14. "I think people and families affected by Parkinson's can be better prepared to manage hallucinations and delusions if they're talking early and often about this lesser-known aspect of the disease."
